A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Races

Joseph makes a dumb Dungeons and Dragons guide for dumb people
Download: mega.nz/#!s5RAmS6D!USG3zCcZ_FPMFm1Z0wqwSFrHYsNK9mClMdVmCayr42U
Instrumental: mega.nz/#!xsBCgYob!v5MbdnmkL3rmqyZPcdVRoAF4NTnhQJtGMsFd0cfOaBw
Huge thanks to the Guest Artists for helping with this episode:
Adan - trvision.net/pass/UCCDWmgX1kc_tEXOd0OJmF_Q
Blaine Simple - trvision.net/pass/UC7Je57UJURMIx6lrXr3zO4g
Art sources:
zetrystan.tumblr.com/post/183786601091/can-you-guess-my-two-favourite-characters-from-the
www.furaffinity.net/view/26695387/
Lyrics in pinned comments
►Support me: www.patreon.com/user?u=9866256
►Twitter: twitter.com/JoCat105
►Twitch: www.twitch.tv/jocat
►Stream VODs: trvision.net/pass/UCqfq3qAqk-VUaX5ZGm8Zbhw
►Discord: discord.gg/xFMsw2r
►Portfolio: www.jocat.net/
►Merch: www.redbubble.com/people/jocat105?asc=u
Other music courtesy of Epidemic Sound: player.epidemicsound.com/

Herunterladen

görünümler
1,617,395

YORUMLAR

  • Download: mega.nz/#!s5RAmS6D!USG3zCcZ_FPMFm1Z0wqwSFrHYsNK9mClMdVmCayr42U Instrumental: mega.nz/#!xsBCgYob!v5MbdnmkL3rmqyZPcdVRoAF4NTnhQJtGMsFd0cfOaBw Lyrics: So you picked your class, hold onto your ass its gonna get crass cause RACE - part of the role you can play, some sentient clay, a he she or they, a beast who gets real snarly, and regular chill dude named charlie, if homebrew's free, a big talking tree, welcome to a crap guide to D&D Aarakocra - a big fuckin bird, you got some wings so you can fly, and if non-weapon melee is preferred they get sharp talons to bitch scratch a guy. or maybe you're more of an Aasimar - still avian if you lower the bar angelic people with radiant energy or darkness if you flap your wings edgily Bugbears arent actually bears at all, more like beastly orcs, and just as tall, but oddly sneaky and your arms are long, so you're really freakin good at playing basketball but if going full beast is a little too far, you could always do half and decide to be a centaur, charging at the enemy so they cant readily get steadily back up while you stomp on them deadily for sneaky bunch, the changeling is cool - you make disguise kits a worthless tool, you can change your face to whatever race there's nearly no limit on who you can fool Dragonborn - no not the skyrim kind - are likely the kid of a bard that'll find dragons really hot, so now you shoot acid, or whatever other color your parent's prefered ass is The typical Dwarf with a beautiful beard, you work with your hands, and are physically sturdy, you seem informed about rocks which is weird, try not to obsess or the sesh'll get wordy Elves - are pompous pricks, a dozen flavors to match and mix. they live a long time, dont sleep instead trance. and are hard to be charmed, so bards keep it in your pants pick a Firbolg to be achill-ass cow, most of which have a druidic vow, and dont ask how but they can turn invisible, which is a big concern Genasi elemental genie bastards, one of four elements that they have mastered in some way that lets them do cool shit , like water bend or have a fire breathing armpit Githyanki and githzerai, elves that look like they wanna die. All they’re about is how they clash. Been around 40 years and their lore's still trash. Shortstack - Gnome happy short folk, who are smart and wise and cunning and know how to crack into good camouflage, be it sneaking or magic or cool roguish montage WACK is the goblin, small size hits hard on your noggin, their nimbleness makes it hard to keep pace, they'll hide, and bide, quick slide, and hit your face Muscles are in, though i've bias, so the hottest imo is Goliaths. They're 8 feet tall, have steel for their balls, and can shrug off damage like one man riots Half-Elf the mutts and mules of D&D extra points to spend on two abilities and skills out the ass, it's the best of both races, and backstories usually from stupid places Half-Orc - like I said, muscles are in - you're a ruthless brute who fights to win, your crits get crits, you can terrify, and if you feel like it you can say "NO" to when you die if your luck is nasty, the Halfling is good - you reroll ones and win like you should, and you're hard to scare, so go party with a dragon, and you can slip through if it's angry off the flagon Humans get a little bit of everything, they lack gimmicks or special flair or any zing, but are all around average you know how it is, and the perfect pick if you're boring ere's Races, all the races X2 There's plenty to choose from too many so come witness the list of this guide to all of the Races (races) all the races Hobgoblin, they trust in a code, be it gods or communism or a giant toad, and they’re a prideful chode, so whenever you fail, the more watch you retry means you go beast mode If you’re an edgy avian, Kenku’s sneaky, agile and crafty and can easily lie, they can mimic voices to be a bit cheeky, too bad they get bullied because they cant fly The Kobold is a mischievous one, they hate bright light and there’s often more than one, they can trick dumb fools, then steal their jewels, but ganging up together can be pretty fun Guess it’s the scaly hour cause Lizardfolk have sticks up their ass and cant take a joke, they can bite and craft and stay a while under water, and have hard-ass scales to block canonfodder Loxodon are straight up elephants, their large size & thick hide make them dense, got trunks to smell and are wise and mostly merry but piss one off and you’ll see they’re damn scary Wanna breath underwater? Locathah is a fish, a straight up fish, literally just a fish, your armor starts high, and get tons of resistance, stay dry and you die, you’re still just a fish. Big Beastly Bull is the Minotaur, got horns to charge if you run pretty far, make them shit their pants while you’re at it, being big and scary is a habit, speaking of, Orcs, superstitious and strong, but also often wrong with a minus 2 to int, that’s okay so to say you’re aggressive and massive, got angry parents means they’re rarely passive Cat girls rejoice, Tabaxi is here - obsessed with stuff and quite the sightseer, fast like a cat, get claws and climb far, tons of coats like leopard and tiger and jaguar Tiefling is a demon with a lot of looks, they’re horny and hot and often a provoker, in the lore anyway a of lot of hate, it’s normal I guess when youre a panties soaker If you wanna be big and reptilian, who’s strong and hardy, then Tortle, has a shell that’s AC is a million, so have fun being a hermit immortal Triton is just an aquatic elf who evolved itself in t he continental shelf, and you’re basically aquaman, fish can understand you, NO they won't do your laundry just cause you demand to The Verdin is like a goblin but pretentious, mind powers that’d make mystics contentious, and a buncha passive shit, what is this peace hour? Come back and talk to me when you learn real power. Yuan-ti Pureblood like humans but snakey, never make a date with one, I hear they’re real flakey. Manipulative bunch, with magic resistance, don't take their oral offer, no matter their persistence Spirit Human mix is the Kalashtar, got a lotta mind shit that’s really bizarre, like telepathy, dream protectively, like angels if they couldn't be effectively The Shifter’s like a half lycanthrope, with four different types with exclusive features, you can't transform at least not fully, so you’ll often look more like a freakish creature Simic Hybrids are random fusions of aquatic things like a squid or a crab, and gain bonuses depending which ones, so have some big pincers for new ways to stab Warforged - robots forged for war, dont have to eat or sleep or breath and what’s more is you’re tanky as well, being hard as steel, the only downside is you’ll never truly feel. Vedalken tells us nobody’s perfect, look like na-vi people without the long neck, they get lots of bonuses to smarts not shocking, good luck ever getting one to stop talking And that’s the lot, and always remember class race importance is pretty seldom Use whatever you fancy, make a chubby fighter dancy, now you know how to pick your race, you’re welcome

    JoCatJoCatAylar önce
    • @Cryosen I assume he's hitting all the expansion stuff. Luxodon and Simic hybrid are both from the Guildmaster's guide to Ravnica book for MTG spliced DnD

      Zachary LeszcynskiZachary LeszcynskiSaatler önce
    • If I weren't already subscribed this would do it for me

      Zachary LeszcynskiZachary LeszcynskiSaatler önce
    • may the power of sns be spread far and wide

      Dreadpirate DanDreadpirate Dan2 gün önce
    • Is this the last crap guide to DND?

      Vanessa AiselbrownVanessa Aiselbrown7 gün önce
    • boringere's

      YooranYooranAylar önce
  • Ooh captions

    Someone404Someone404Saatler önce
  • 5:08 ah....snom ......

    crazyatblaycrazyatblay6 saatler önce
  • What about A Crap Guide To D&D: DM Edition?

    Eric TolmanEric Tolman6 saatler önce
  • 1:18 this is all I could find when I looked it up forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Firbolg

    Arceus 101Arceus 10113 saatler önce
  • Ok so I'm not sure if this is actually in d&d but somehow the predator is in the 5th edition www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Predator_(5e_Class)

    Wolfpredator26Wolfpredator2619 saatler önce
  • I love your stuff. You know about that cliche moment in anime and cartoons where the main characters eyes lit up? That was me watching this video, thinking: "I want to be this guy!"

    Tyler EdlindTyler EdlindGün önce
  • Do Eberron’s dragonmarks count as races?

    Perkle the TorkoalPerkle the TorkoalGün önce
  • I’ve watched this like 20 times, and I only now noticed the faded echo of “races, all the races” in the background. I’m sure there’s more awesome sound tricks I missed. Better re-watch another 40 times to be sure.

    Lord VaustLord VaustGün önce
    • I also just noticed the Races were introduced in alphabetical order!

      Lord VaustLord VaustGün önce
  • I just pulled out my monster manual and looked up kobold, and I was about to go keyboard warrior about how they look different. Then I realized, I'm playing v3.5

    Firak 398Firak 398Gün önce
  • I'm sorry but i wasnt expecting a total banger

    Andrew ThomasAndrew ThomasGün önce
  • Wait you mean there's races other than human?

    Vault DwellerVault DwellerGün önce
  • Rap and a JoJo reference?!?! THIS IS AMAZING!!!

    MelodyMelodyGün önce
  • So...Aasimar are basically, a race of angels? Duly noted; in a D&D based fanfic I'm writing, one of my characters is an Aasimar. But when I researched the race, the website didn't quite offer me much information. Same thing with the Genasi; at first, I thought they were elemental beings. But others told me that they have...some sort of genie heritage?

    sadlobster1sadlobster1Gün önce
  • I wanna demon-breed horns going back half circle a knigth oh and a scorpion tail

    master of fire 1032master of fire 1032Gün önce
  • This is racist

    Acean HUNAcean HUN2 gün önce
  • Lyrics [Intro] So you picked your class Hold onto your ass, it's gonna get crass 'Cause race - part of the role you can play Some sentient clay, a he, she or they A beast who gets real snarly And regular dude named Charley If homebrew's free, a big talking tree Welcome to A Crap Guide to D&D [Verse 1] Aarakocra - a big fuckin' bird You got some wings so you can fly And if non-weapon melee is what's preferred They get sharp talons to bitch scratch a guy Or maybe you're more of an Aasimar Still avian if you lower the bar Angelic people with radiant energy Or darkness if you flap your wings edgily Bugbears aren't actually bears at all More like beastly orcs and just as tall But oddly sneaky and your arms are long So you're freakin' good at playing basketball But if going full beast is a little too far You could always do half and decide to be a centaur Charging the enemy so they can't readily Get steadily back up while you stomp on them deadily For the sneaky bunch, the changeling is cool You make disguise kits a worthless tool You can change your face to whatever race There's nearly no limit on who you can fool Dragonborn - no, not the Skyrim kind Are likely the kid of a bard that'll find Dragons really hot, so now you shoot acid Or whatever other color your parent's preferred ass is The typical Dwarf with a beautiful beard You work with your hands and are physically sturdy You seem informed about rocks which is weird Try not to obsess or the sesh'll get wordy Elves are pompous pricks A dozen flavors to match and mix They live a long time, don't sleep, instead trance And are hard to be charmed, so bards, keep it in your pants Pick a Firbolg to be a chill-ass cow Most of which have a druidic vow And don't ask how but they can turn Invisible, which is a big concern Genasi - elemental genie bastards One of four elements that they have mastered In some way, lets 'em do cool shit Like water-bend or have a fire breathing armpit Githyanki and githzerai Elves that look like they wanna die All they're about is how they clash Been around fourty years and their lore's still trash Shortstack (stack, stack, stack) - Gnome happy short folk Who are smart and wise and cunning and know how to Crack (crack, crack, crack) into good camouflage Be it sneaking or magic or cool roguish montage Whack (whack, whack, whack) is the goblin Small size, hits hard on your gnoggin' Their nimbleness makes it hard to keep pace They'll hide and bide, quick slide and hit your face Muscles are in, though I have bias So the hottest IMO is Goliaths They're 8 feet tall, have steel for their balls And can shrug off damage like one man riots Half-Elves - the mutts and mules of D&D Extra points to spend on two abilities And skills out the ass, it's the best of both races And backstories usually come from stupid places Half-Orc - like I said, muscles are in You're a ruthless brute who fights to win Your crits get crits and you can terrify And if you feel like it, you can say no when you die If your luck is nasty, the Halfling is good You re-roll ones and win like you should And you're hard to scare, so go party with a dragon And you can slip through if it's angry off the flagon Humans get a little bit of everything They lack gimmicks or special flair or any zing But are all around average you know how it is And the perfect pick if you're boring [Chorus] Races, all the races Races, all the races There's plenty to choose from, too many, so come Witness the list of this guide to all of the Races (races), all the races [Verse 2] Hobgoblin, they trust in a code Be it God or communism or giant toad They’re a prideful chode, so whenever you fail The more watch you retry means you go beast mode If you're an edgy avian, the Kenku's sneaky Agile and crafty and can easily lie They can mimic voices to be a bit cheeky Too bad they get bullied because they can't fly The Kobold is a mischievous one They hate bright light and there's often more than one And they can trick dumb fools, then steal their jewels But ganging up together can be pretty fun Guess it's the scaly hour 'cause Lizardfolk Have sticks up their ass and can't take a joke They can bite and craft and stay a while underwater And have hard-ass scales to block cannon fodder Loxodon are straight up elephants Their large size and thick hide make them dense Got trunks to smell and are wise and mostly merry But piss one off and you'll see they're damn scary Wanna breath underwater? Locathah is a fish A straight up fish, literally just a fish Your armor starts high and get tons of resistance But stay dry and you die, you're still just a fish Big beastly bull is the Minotaur Got horns to charge if you run pretty far Make them shit their pants while you're at it Being big and scary is a habit, speaking of Orcs, superstitious and strong But also often wrong with a minus 2 to Int That's okay, so to say, you're aggressive and massive Lotta angry parents means they're rarely passive Cat girls rejoice, Tabaxi is here Obsessed with stuff and quite the sightseer Fast like a cat, get claws and climb far Tons of coats like leopard and tiger and jaguar Tiefling is a demon with a lot of looks They're horny and hot and often a provoker In the lore anyway, a lot of hate It's normal I guess when you're a panty-soaker If you wanna be big and reptilian Who's strong and hardy, then Tortle Has a shell that's AC is a million So have fun being a hermit immortal Triton is just an aquatic elf Who evolved itself in the continental shelf And you're basically Aquaman, fish can understand you No, they won't do your laundry just 'cause you demand to The Verdan - like a goblin but pretentious Got some mind powers that'd make mystics contentious And a buncha passive shit, what is this, peace hour? Come back and talk to me when you learn real power Yuan-Ti Pureblood - like humans but snakey Never make a date with one, I hear they're flakey Manipulative bunch with magic resistance Don't take their oral offer, no matter their persistence A spirit-human mix is the Kalashtar Got a lotta mind shit that's really bizarre Like telepathy, dream protectively Like angels if they couldn't be effectively The Shifter's like a half-lycanthrope With four different types with exclusive features You can't transform, at least not fully So you'll often look more like a freakish creature Simic Hybrids are random fusion Of aquatic things like a squid or a crab Gain bonuses depending which ones So have some big pincers for new ways to stab Warforged - robots forged for war Don't have to eat or sleep or breath and what's more Is you're tanky as well, being hard as steel The only downside is you'll never truly feel Vedalken tells us nobody's perfect Look like Na'vi people without the long neck They get lots of bonuses to smarts, not shocking Good luck ever getting one to stop talking And that's the lot and always remember Class-race importance is pretty seldom Use whatever you fancy, make a chubby fighter dancy Now you know how to pick your race, you're welcome [Chorus] Races, all the races Races, all the races There's plenty to choose from, too many, so come Witness the list of this guide to all of the Races (races), all the races

    bomberBDbomberBD2 gün önce
  • Man, i know these are meant to be parody guides, but it's sad to see the Fighters and Humans (and maybe the combination of both) getting bashed because folks don't realise that complexity =/= fun, at this poing it's a bit of a cheap shot. That and the fun versatility that both of them offer.

    Geronimo LanfranchiGeronimo Lanfranchi2 gün önce
  • BLOODHUNTER

    Duffer DDuffer D2 gün önce
  • BLOODHUNTER

    Duffer DDuffer D2 gün önce
  • BLOODHUNTER

    Duffer DDuffer D2 gün önce
  • DO BLOODHUNTER

    Duffer DDuffer D2 gün önce
  • I actually try and match class and race, just for those sweet sweet race bonuses. If I can get +2 to charisma for my sorcerer just being being a sick devil dude, you bet your ass I'm taking it

    A Pet Named SteveA Pet Named Steve2 gün önce
  • J U S T A F I S H

    MothMoth2 gün önce
  • You described half dragons not dragon born

    James WilliamsJames Williams2 gün önce
  • I would love if you did one about blood hunter

    TheRomanPraetorTheRomanPraetor2 gün önce
  • Dang. Haven't played D&D since 3.5 and I didn't know 2/3rds of that race list.

    MBOmnisMBOmnis2 gün önce
  • What is this beat. Ots so familiar

    Nick ButlerNick Butler2 gün önce
  • 1:16 - 1:17 Still a better love story than Twilight.

    LukeMCFC 141LukeMCFC 1412 gün önce
  • Hooray, Zito style Kobolds!!

    protosaber363protosaber3632 gün önce
  • Saw a Reddit post on this and I had to come back, cause this still slaps.

    ZenmanLovesGamesZenmanLovesGames2 gün önce
  • JoCa(n')t:Humans are boring Three words: Variant rule: Feats

    Suckon FatmanSuckon Fatman2 gün önce
  • Is this rant by Bo Burnham?

    Disney RapsDisney Raps3 gün önce
  • Anyone: So what music do you like? Me: Y E S

    Ray BRay B3 gün önce
  • Just found your videos. Lol They're amazing. I'm new to D&D, and this is the fastest way to learn general information about all of it, and the music helps it stick.

    DwahytDwahyt4 gün önce
  • Eminem better look out

    Dodo DudeDodo Dude4 gün önce
  • What about homebrew?

    Nate Dogg GamingNate Dogg Gaming4 gün önce
  • You should do a crap guide to warhammer!

    Whitby ChildWhitby Child4 gün önce
  • I want Nhym Vs JoCat :| I want it now. Eminem can shut. This is it my mind is set. It's goin be raw. Rhimes gettin' fat.

    TheIceThornTheIceThorn5 gün önce
  • Neat, a Rap Guide to D&D.

    EmmaEmma5 gün önce
  • I plan on making a tabaxi that acts like your average house cat. Imagine this: You and your allies checked if the treasure on the podium is trapped and it is so you decide to not touch it at all and just walk away. You then realize that your rogue isn't with you, you turn around and see them next to the trapped treasure. You see it in their eyes, the rogue wants to knock it over. You beg them not to but they don't listen. The trap is triggered and a boulder comes rolling down killing anyone with low health while injuring the rest.

    BreadfaceBreadface5 gün önce
  • Wizard Orc for hard mode

    Ben Sarm ChuquiBen Sarm Chuqui6 gün önce
  • This kinda hits tho...

    Bennett MoseleyBennett Moseley6 gün önce
  • I’m gonna be singing this for weeks you ass

    TheDamnedDogTheDamnedDog6 gün önce
  • Dude. This is awesome!

    Darksteel HeartDarksteel Heart6 gün önce
  • My character is literally a earth genasi barbarian. (Thinking of making him a a artificer barbarian)

    Panda MelonPanda Melon6 gün önce
  • I became a follower today, well after watching all of joCats vids. Keep up the great work! Top 3 favorite dnd animated artist, Puffin forest, Dingo Doodles and JoCat.

    Jonathan WilliamsJonathan Williams6 gün önce
  • Digging the What I feel is a Bo Burnham Homage

    SA SoldierSA Soldier7 gün önce
  • What dlc is free

    Leaping Lizard gamingLeaping Lizard gaming7 gün önce
  • WE NEED THIS ON SPOTIFY

    xXx_CheesyTurtle_xXxxXx_CheesyTurtle_xXx7 gün önce
  • My character is a goliath barbarian

    Cade VaughnCade Vaughn7 gün önce
  • When Jocat said in his bard video that the only way to play was with a lyre in one hand in a sword in the other. I don’t think Jocat needs the sword part to be good.

    Person that is named FrankPerson that is named Frank7 gün önce
  • I cant shake the feeling that the sound of this was somewhat inspired by "Chew Toy" from "Bloodhound Gang"

    K HK H7 gün önce
  • What song are the horns sampled from?

    Hunter KnoettnerHunter Knoettner8 gün önce
  • Bear if you can see this then hi.

    Hunter PowersHunter Powers8 gün önce
  • Holy fuck that was AWESOME 😎

    Donny DarkDonny Dark8 gün önce
  • Are most of these homebrew or can you find them online or in a book

    knyle 64knyle 648 gün önce
  • wigglercat: disses humans for being average and boring Variant Humans: *hold my customization*

    CyanicCyanic8 gün önce
  • where all my half orc barbarian bois at

    LeasagnaLeasagna8 gün önce
  • I'd love to see all these characters animated in an adventure. Need some bardXpaladin action.

    Old Grumpy BearOld Grumpy Bear8 gün önce
  • Press like if you noticed the furry joke not told

    Jose Adrian Martinez VillegasJose Adrian Martinez Villegas9 gün önce
  • Hi

    Andrew SawyerAndrew Sawyer9 gün önce
  • The dragonborn section is soooooooooooo wrong. Dragonborn are their own races and they DONT have tails. Anyone else notice this????

    Permit HurplePermit Hurple9 gün önce
  • Absolute bop

    Thunder MuffinThunder Muffin9 gün önce
  • He has a video where he made a joke along the lines of “ you say a magical yo mama joke and you appointment takes psychic damage “ what video was that if anyone know

    Umbreon UmbrageUmbreon Umbrage10 gün önce
    • Sounds like something a bard would do

      SatanSatan9 gün önce
  • A rap guide to dnd

    Sound GlaveSound Glave10 gün önce
  • Snom tho

    Xeno794Xeno79410 gün önce
  • Fey Corgi.

    Joshua FoggJoshua Fogg10 gün önce
  • I am deeply attracted to the dwarf and am trying to decipher if that means I'm straight or not

    The GentlemanThe Gentleman10 gün önce
    • It's normal to be attracted to a beautiful beard. It's all ok, don't sweat it.

      Giorgio FalàGiorgio Falà9 gün önce
  • this music is so fucking sexy

    Ethan SilverEthan Silver10 gün önce
A Crap Guide to D&D [5th Edition] - Races